so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
