somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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