Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
