He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
