you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
