Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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