i think my tv is drunk
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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