Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
