I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
