...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
