just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
