He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
