alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
