I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
