Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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