Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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