even my farts smell like vagina
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
