the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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