my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
