I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he told me I talked like a deaf person
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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