You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
