thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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