I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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