I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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