You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize