It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
