I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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