Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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