Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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