How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
