I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Green mimosas i think yes
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Shame - the story of my life.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
