so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
