i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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