420 ftw
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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