in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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