at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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