That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize