hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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