I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
