i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
