So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
