I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
