STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
