He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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