I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
