just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize