Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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