Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
