I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
