Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
