it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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