I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
