I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
