I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
