I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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