It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
