I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
