at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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