I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
