So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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