You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
