I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
