420 ftw
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
