Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
