..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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